Thursday, May 7, 2009

Update on the Mariner Maniacs

Well, it seems as if the Mariner Maniacs have once again changed their home page, in an attempt to recruit more members. Here's what they're advertising:

"For the low low price of $25 (annual dues), you will be part of the Mariner Maniacs Fan Club. The only Mariner fan club recognized by the Team.

What!? The only fan club? That's impossible to believe! You're telling me of all the Marnier fan clubs in the world, they only recognize one? That's really not fair to the many nonexistent fan clubs out there. I mean, it's not their fault they follow relevant teams. Also, I'm glad they specified that the $25 dollars were for annual dues, I thought they were simply going to stick paste on it, and use it to make a paper mache elephant.

"You will receive a window decal to show your membership off and show you are a top supporter of the Baltimore Mariners Team."

That's exactly what I wanted! Now, all my friends can ask me "Who are the Mariners?" Then when I respond, I can watch as they do one of three things: roll their eyes, raise an eyebrow, or simply laugh and walk away. It'll be just like high school all over again! But hey, it'll go well with my ASSMAN license plate.

"You will be first in line for specials such as road trips to away games and more."

I'm sure there's a HUGE line to travel to Florence, SC to watch the Mariners take on the Phantoms. By the looks of this picture, it seems tickets are impossible to get!

"You will receive the hottest t-shirt in the Arena. The Mariner Maniacs Shirt."

Again, thank you for specifying. I was guessing that I would be receiving this shirt in the mail:

Sadly I was mistaken.

"You will have access to any special parties thrown by the club."

Now, I dunno if I could handle any party thrown by the Mariner Manicas. I mean I do go to Playboy's number one party school in the nation, but those just don't compare to the Mariner
Maniacs. Here are a few snapshots taken by Mr. X:

Now, if they paid me, maybe I would consider maybe joining. MAYBE. But for $25 dollars, here's a few things I would rather do:

Buy 25 boxes of orange Tic-Tacs
Buy ointment for my toe...not because I have an infection, but to prevent one
Donate it to Hamas
Let Bernie Madoff invest it
Buy Eliot Spitzer a hooker, who gives it all up for $10.76
Use it to study parrot fossils
Stick paste on it, and use it to make a paper mache elephant
Go to a Seattle Mariners Game
buy a pound of honey , bathe in it, then go to a bee farm
buy 1/100 of a cello

So I don't think I will join the Mariner Maniacs any time soon. My loyalty is still with the DC Armor, even if it means I can't take trips to places like Fayatteville, NC and Greenville, SC. Instead, I might just go take a tour of the Capitol Bulding or buy front row tickets on May 30th, when the Armor kick the Mariners' asses back to the seven seas.


  1. Professional AntagonistMay 7, 2009 at 8:57 PM

    hey chief, you've got a few typos up's a shame someone of you caliber and creativity has to lump himself in with the less educated, and commit so many grammar wait, your obvious lack of respect and knowledge already did that for you.....sorry, never mind, please disregard the inevitable.....btw, how's the 2.5 GPA coming along?

  2. Yes it will be interesting to see if you show up at the May 30 game. We know you will be the one with the Bumpersticker i take it up the ass which in D.C & in Miami i hear you do alot Jesse informed everyone on his site F***ALEXBLOGSITE. I know you will be looking for friends in Bmore but you probably wont find anyone. I know the Maniacs would not want you with them anyway they show more support for their team then anyone shows for any other team, Sorry your Tide got ring around the collar and left deal with it, I personally went to Tide games also but i dont whine like a Bi**h since they are no longer around.

  3. Thanks for the support guys. I really mean it. It's amazing how no one can take a joke this day and age. I have never once insulted any of you personally, yet you feel as if it is okay to do it to me. Professional Antagonist, I hope you learn to laugh one day, and R P, I hope you find the period key. See you all May 30.

  4. Alex if i was you id shave your head and walk backwards before id come to the Mariners House. I left the periods out since you are on your period ......................................................................................................................................................................................

  5. So...this is hysterical. The article, then followed by these comments by these fools. When will you guys learn that this is all in good fun?

    Also, Antagonist, I'm loving the overuse of the ellipsis in your first post. Makes for a much nicer run-on sentence.

    R P, please. Learn to take a joke. It's for your own good. It's not like this article is degrading a race or any sort of other creed. It's just making fun of a team in an absurdly minor league. The ridiculousness of this blog should show you that it's a joke.

  6. This site will be forced to be shut down due to the misuse of AIFA Logos and Baltimore Mariners Logos which have not been asked for their use. Our legal department is working on the paperwork now, So if you do not want any legal action you will remove this site immediatley.